"but my world i so askew" should be is
Hmm very repetitive rhyming sceme, works well in someplace, but the 3rd stanza kinda didn't work for me 'thong' kinda ruined the atmosphere
The last stanza however, especailly the 1st two lines is very good and a nice end to a good poem
Keep wriring dude :)

The best thing about this poem for me is the rhyme. Feel as if it was a tad on the surface...my advice dig a little bit deeper...otherwise it rawks...

[lostlaureate- come find me]

Mmm i liked the rhyme interesting style i like it well done xx ALLy xx

Very different way of writting this... The rhyming was of course a little forced but the main idea of the poem came through clear. I give you alot for attempting such a rhyming poem! 5/5

I agree with Lost Laureate - It's a little bit shallow for my liking, and the rhyming seemed forced at parts.

but my world i so askew
Should be
but my world is so askew

Other than that - Interesting rhyme scheme, nice message.

Peace. [Sole]

It's pretty good but the rhyming does seem a bit forced. The concept and the idea is good but it doesn't stand out like it possible could. Interesting, though.

I really liked this poem. it shows strong emotion & i love the way you rhymed it. great job! 5/5*

Good job! 5/5
keep it up.

I really liked the first stanza and the last stanza. but the two in between sort of confused me. i love this:
Broken down, i cry

Nice rhyming, keep it up