The Plan

by Patrick   Mar 31, 2006


I am a world, hidden in time.
Crying down from above.
Natural in this sad belief.
Nothing is ever what it seems.

I couldn't see why.
This moment had begun.
He didn't even care.
My last moment had come.

Leading me on.
This path of bloody love.
Pulling me down.
From my happy Sky's above.

Before this time came.
My life could not be wrong.
Its was in a way happy.
Almost like I belonged.

You don't know of my past.
The things that did come.
My sadness, my mistakes.
All the things gone wrong.

While the memories sometimes hurt.
I had found my happy place.
Living my own life.
Joined in the race.

Then something changed.
I fell in love with a man.
He didn't love me back.
But he had a plan.

His friends figured it would be fun.
To play a little game.
He thought so to.
This did begin the pain.

He toyed with my mind.
Lead me on.
Let me think he liked me.
This was wrong.

Day after day, the time did pass.
He kept up his act.
I thought things were great.
He had a plan.

One night not long ago.
The plan did unfold.
Him and his friends tricked me.
My life grew cold.

He danced with me that night.
Let me hold him tight.
He looked into my eyes.
Taking away every sad night.

I didn't see it coming.
What came next.
His friends were waiting.
To finish off this end.

We took a car ride.
To a beautiful spot.
The stars were shinning bright.
I thought this was the night.

Thats when his friends came.
Pulled me out of the car.
They were all laughing.
As they hit me, the blood began to poor.

They hated me for what I was.
Being gay to them was wrong.
I looked up at him.
Not an emotion was shone.

He joined in too.
Having there fun.
My last sight was those eyes.
The ones who I thought I loved.

I was looking for a lover.
Even just a friend.
Instead I found this man.
Who had a plan.

(c) copyright 2006

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Brittany C

    Very good poem. I love it. please never stop writing. you are great:)

  • 18 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "Natural in this sad belief." I don't really understand this line.

    "From my happy Sky's above." I'm not sure "Sky's" is what you were looking for. If you're making a contraction, then the line would read:
    "From my happy Sky is above.", which doesn't make sense. If you're using the 's as a possessive, then I'd still say that then line doesn't make much sense, as I don't know why the Sky would own an 'above'. maybe you meant happy 'skies' above.

    "Lead me on." the rest of this stanza is in the past tense, so 'lead' should actually be 'led'.

    "Thats when his friends came." there should be an apostrophe in 'thats', as it is a contraction of 'that is'

    "Having there fun." wrong use of 'there', it should be 'their'

    In a more general comment, I would suggest that you replace the periods at the end of every line with more appropriate punctuation, such as commas, or no punctuation at all if there isn't any necessary.

    I felt that at times it seemed like the rhymes were a bit forced, and I felt the ending was a little weak, especially because it ended on a 'man/plan' rhyme, which is a monosyllabic AA rhyme. I'd suggest going over your syllable counts within your stanzas and work a bit on standardizing them to get a stronger and more unifying rhythm going.

    I appreciate the message of your poem, along with the sad content, so don't feel like I'm picking on you. You asked for an honest opinion, and instead of comment on your poem's content, which is personal and significant, I instead decided to help you with grammatical errors.

  • 18 years ago

    by Adriana

    I like this poem a lot....i like all your poems actually....you are very poetic

  • 18 years ago

    by Emily

    & I thought my life right now, being on spring break alone eating reese pieces was sad...This almost made me cry!! It's very touching, with so much emotion in it!! Great job, 10/5

  • 18 years ago

    by master of shadow

    This is a well written peice, a similar thing happened to my brother once (who is gay) but they didn't beat him up in the end. this peice is brilliantly written and really expresses the situration pictured well.

    5/5

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