One more good bye x

The light is fading as I lift the pen
Dear mum and dad, it's me again
Your long lost son of eighteen years
Who always hides you from his tears
You've seen me almost every day
But I lost myself along the way
You tried so hard to see inside
But all I did was run and hide
You need to know how sorry I am
I never thought you would understand
I couldn't talk to either of you
No one else could help me through
I tried to do what everyone said
And change for myself the life I led
But it was just too hard and I was so weak
The pain kept choking me and I couldn't speak
Please tell my friends how much they meant
And I'm sorry for all the time that they spent
Trying to make me believe I'd come through
I just couldn't wait to see if it was true
They tried so hard, but try to forgive me
For not being the friend I wanted to be
I wish I could see you all just one last time
To tell you I love you and to say I'll be fine
But the words won't come out and the tears will just run
Again and again until my eyes burn
I can't bare to see the sadness in you
You won't let me go, but if only you knew
The pain that I keep built up inside
Has left me with nothing and taken my pride
I cry every night as I just try to cope
With the hurt that I find as I lose all my hope
Promise me this, don't think it was you
It was me who had to deal with this picture I drew
I know you will think I'm selfish for this
But I just don't believe I'm going to be missed
Don't get me wrong, I know that you tried
But I just didn't believe I could be loved deep inside
You need to know that I care for you all
And you'll be on my mind when I land from this fall
Now I must go and take my last stand
All I pray is that you'll understand
Maybe not now, but I just hope in time
You forgive me for leaving this life I made mine
Remember your words and don't cry for me
All I am losing is the pain you can't see
Once more I will beg you, please will you try
Forgive me as I say just one more goodbye