I'm trying

I'm trying
I know you say I'm not
but every day I struggle
to be just a little happier
and I'm trying so hard
to be satisfied with me
you think its so easy
to just pull out of it all
but its such a struggle
and I'm trying so hard to
be OK
not to cut
and not to cry
but sometimes
I just cant do it
I just cant help it
because honestly
I'm trying
I'm fighting
with every ounce of strength
with every inch of muscle
with every single breath
to be happy
and to survive
and every night I pray
for more strength
to beat this thing
so when you say I'm not trying
you have no idea
how hard I am
and how much it hurts
when you don't even think
I want to be happy
when all I do is fight
for you