I don't know whether to hide the pain or to let it all out
Two sides of me are thinking and both sides are filled with doubt
Wiping away the tears that bleed out from my eyes
Constantly tyring to aviod my hidden strife
A smile can come to my lips registering in your mind as real
When really I'm so emotionally drained I don't know what to feel
I got confusion, hurt from the pain and lies
Sometimes I find myself wishing I was living a short-lived life
Other times I find myself longing for the sting from the razor blade
To drag the cool metal across my skin and watch as I fade away
To watch the blood drip from the cut to watch my pain slowly bleed out
To feel relief after constantly being so filled with doubt
The thought alone of picking up my old habit for that escape
Is almost enough to drive me to pick up the metal blade
Even if its only relief for a moment its still relief from this depression
Even though I know at any time my pain can have a resurrection
They loaded the gun and they cocked it back
They put it in my hand now they're waiting for me to snap
To release all the anger and pain I've kept inside
To end my life to commit their suicide through their eyes
Waiting for me to pull the trigger to end this stupid game
Then to laugh in my face knowing I can't take the pain
Negativity began beating through my blood in early times
Such a young age to hate my parents to have thoughts of suicide
It made an impact on my life one that I'm not soon to forget
Countless decisions that I've made that I can't help but regret
So yes I can laugh and yes I can smile
I can wear a mask and fool you all the while
I remember closing my eyes as a kid and listening to my own heart break
And now I've become a victim a coward of my own hate
So afraid to love and so afraid to lose
Cuz once this game is over there'll be nothing left in me to use
