I really like this espically this stanza

Her screaming i will never love you
so just go away
all he ever wanted
was for her to stay

and the ending is great oo well done xx ALLYxx

Very good, I found it very moving and sad... I have been there, but not suicidal, thoughts perhaps... Keep writing
mitakuye oyasin (we are all related)

Wow that was really good..... very sad but the emotion is so powerful... its moving!! good job

So sad, 2 things,

lifting his now heavy body of the bed

body off the bed maybe?

And the second to last line could be better as she mght as well have rather than as again . . Hope ths helps!!

All together, aboslutely amazing poem, huge power on the last line, really impressive . . .

Peace. [Sole]

Holy crap...one of the best poems i've read for a while. this is definitely something you should be proud of. you must have connected with so many people on so many levels....keep up the excellent work.

Wow! this poem is so good. i especially liked the stanza

Her screaming i will never love you
so just go away
all he ever wanted
was for her to stay

very good!! i loved it! 5/5*

What a beautifully sad poem. I really like how you make the reader feel like they're watching what's happening, great imagery. By the way thanks 4readin my poem hun! :)
Love, maiya

This was an extremely sad poem. I loved it, and believe this would be even better if you would do a spell check on it. There are a few misspellings and grammer mistakes. Other than that, it was great.

OMG i absolutly LOVE this poem because its actually the first one about a guy going through what i am going through actually and i only thought girls went through that stuff but this made me realize that boys can actually love and i read this right after i thought guys couldnt love...well i absolutly LOVE it keep it up!

Ashlick (Ashley)

OMG i absolutly LOVE this poem because its actually the first one about a guy going through what i am going through actually and i only thought girls went through that stuff but this made me realize that boys can actually love and i read this right after i thought guys couldnt love...well i absolutly LOVE it keep it up!

Ashlick (Ashley)

Excellent poem with an amazing ending , and what an imagination :) the only thing i can suggest is to make al your lines in the stanza's almost equal in length , it's more pleasant reading the poem then :) anwyays good job 5/5 :)

~StefQ

It flows nicely, they ryhme helps that. however you stetch to far to fit your ryhme in a few places. its like you picked the words and then wrote the line. I can't really explain it. Just dont go out of you way for the ryhme. that will improve the meaning forthe reader.

great read, thanks for reading mine!

~Blackrose

This one really touches your heart.
5/5

This poem is realli realli good.... keep it up...louise xx

Wow. that ending was just amazing. and the start aswell. it was really good, yet sad. but sheesh the ending was like woah. a really good final finish. you wrote this so well.

Kat

Wow, your really good. Just so you know ur going on my fave's thingy.

I like this poem, it's different from everything I'm used to, and well written. Good job. Keep writing. 5/5

Oooh...the typo in "dragged" just tipped it off at the end. But right from the outset you had me hooked...sustaining a plot....very ambigous title which you intergrated with subtlety into the poem....

ACE!

[lostlaureate -come find me]

Great peice. the story is clear and gripping and the peice overall is layed out brilliantly. it's unusual to read abotu a male cuttingrather than female, so it's pritty uunique. the last stanza is defantly yhe best part, really adds strengh to the overall peice.

5/5

I love it, I know what this feels like.
Good job.Keep it up