Can no longer compete with the pretty

Today my spirit plunged
my heart was ripped apart at last
my confidence had diminished
the tears flooded my cheeks so fast

my best friend whom i love
is at the very core of my pain
the one i call my other half
left me standing alone in the rain

again and again she will win
the prettier one, the smarter one
i cant compete with her anymore
depression has once again begun

i dream everynight to be different
someone other then me
need determination to be anorexic
express the pain no one can see

longing to be the girls in magazines
with tiny waists and flawless skin
bones jutting from their backs
but to others its just a sin

i need to find the will power
have to hurt my body to keep sane
or ill end up cutting till red bleeds
and then ill die in pain

i need to beat her and be skinner
then the boys might like me
choose to look beyond perfect Ellie
let my heart mend, let me be

i cant handle the jealousy and pain
these emotions rule my life
and its killing me ever so slowly
so starvation can replace the knife

i love you Ellie , its not your fault
depression is ugly and blinding
its like driving on bumpy gravel
the road ahead is forever winding

so let me tell you before i slip away
your my friend an forever will be
but because of jealousy I'm dead
cant deal with this pain engulfing me