I have all these mixed emotions
All these painful thoughts
I thought if I just gave it time
All of this would stop
But with each day that goes bye
And every moment I have
I cant ever be happy again
I'm depressed, and I'm sad.
Why cant you notice?
You were the only one I thought could
But you deny the fact
That I no longer feel good.
I hurt on the inside
I'm sick, for sure.
The last couple of months,
Have been only a blur.
I don't have any real friends
As much as I would like to believe
That the new friends I have
Would never think of hurting me
But just when I believe that
They go ahead and try
To use me and hurt me
And fill my head with lies.
I don't know why I let them
Its acceptance, thats for sure
Ive pushed away my real friends
The ones that are true and pure.
But on another subject
The reason for a lot of my hurt
Is when my mother gets drunk?
She treats me like dirt.
I don't know why I don't rebel
Yell out loud
Instead I sit quiet
And I don't make a sound
But shes been pushing the wrong buttons
Shes making me weak
I don't understand why I need her so much
When she cant even stand on her own two feet.
She tells me she loves me, she tells me she cares...
but yet
She throws ME out on the street
Without an ounce of regret.
But enough about her
Lets move onto my dad
The close relationship is gone
That we once had
He spends all his time with his girlfriend
And she doesn't even notice me
And no matter how much I show my pain
He never seems to see.
I miss the bond
That we once shared
It wouldn't hurt him
To showed that he cared
But a lot of this stuff
Effects one thing
I cant concentrate in school
No surprise I'm failing
Its hard to think
When my mind is confused like this
But I know I have the ability to do it
And that makes me pissed
They think I'm slacking off
Because I don't care, but the truth is I do.
I wonder if they would think differently
If they saw what I go through.
But ill try to pick myself up
Put the pieces back together
And hope that with time
Things will get better
If today or tomorrow
Things don't seem OK
Ill get on my knees, put my hands up
And pray
Pray not for myself
But the people around me, instead
And pray to the ones
Who are passed on and dead
If no one around here can help
Ill turn to the one person I know who can
The one who always has and always will care about me
The one who's up in heaven
