I'm Sorry mother, didnt want it to end this way

The sky is clear, not a cloud in the sky,
I watch by the window seat hoping to see your car drive by.

Its 6:05 I'm 20 minutes late, I'm supposed to be at the mall, I pick up the phone and decide to give you a call. To see where you are at, and when you will be back.

You picked up after the 3rd ring, you sounded like you were hustling. I started to yell, “I'm late I'm late, why aren't you home, don't you care, if you did I would be already there!”

You tried to explain how you got stuck up in work, and were on your way home, I didn't want to listen so I said I hated you and hung up the phone.

I ran upstairs to my room, where I feel on my bed and started to cry, not because I was sad or depressed, because I had hate and anger beneath my chest. I must have been crying hard for I fell asleep, must have been a deep sleep, for I didn't hear my phone ring until the answering machine started to beep.

“Honey I'm sorry I'm late, I'm going to hurry home, be sure to be ready, I will be home before 8” As I woke up I looked at the clock, it was 8:45 as I stared in shock.

She's late again, this women can't do anything right I thought in my head. The door bell rang I ran downstairs, I opened the door and started to stare, expecting to find a neighbor boy wanting me to play, instead it was a police officer that stood at my door that day.

You asked to come in, and if anyone else was home, I told you that my dad was out of town, as I stood there, my body as stiff as a stone.

He told me to sit down, as he started to pace across the room, I knew that today would start my life with doom. You told me that my mother was hit by a truck, the driver asleep, she didn't see him coming out of the corner of her eye, and this isn't the way that my mother was supposed to die.

I was in such a state of shock I didn't even cry, I just sat on the couch and kept on thinking why, why did this happen, then it all came clear.

It was my fault, I am the one to be blamed, I made you hurry home, and I can just hear you calling my name.

Once the officer left, I ran upstairs and locked the door; I can just picture my blood in a puddle on the floor.

This image is so clear now, this is how to take away the pain, knowing its my fault my mothers dead I'm to take the blame,

but no one can yell or scream when I'm dead, so I now lay on my bed, with a razor in one hand, and another apron my head, I will soon be with you mommy, and can say my apologies to your face, I never meant to say I hated you, what I said wasn't true. But I keep thinking I will soon be up in heaven beside you.