You Know Who It's For...

Sometimes it’s hard to tell you
The things I’ve always wanted to say
The things I hear coming from places that don’t talk
Pain and misunderstanding that won’t go away

It kills me to see you wrists
When they’re doing worse then mine
When they’re forcing me to smile
To tell lies to you and say I’m fine

I hate worrying about you every minute
Wondering when something might become the last straw
How am I supposed to help someone
Who constantly is forcing me to withdraw?

And so I’m writing this poem
To tell you everything I can’t say in person
(I was always a coward like that
Afraid to make the worse worsen)

But these are simple truths you should know
Things I don’t care if other people see
Some of them you might already know
The rest might surprise you about me

First off don’t think you haven’t helped me
I’ve been sober off all addictions for some months now
I wish I could learn how you did it
One day I’ll help you, one day I’ll learn how

Second I want you to know I love you
I loved you since the first time we met
I just have a hard time trusting people
But with you I have no regret

Yes, you have hurt me,
But didn’t I do the same
I guess in the end
Everyone needs someone to blame

I have doubted your feelings before
And in some ways I doubt them still
I’m sure you know how hard it is
Walking up such a long hill

But I wouldn’t trade a second of my pain
Not from then and not from today
It’s the only thing that gave me enough courage
To write this, to know how to say…

Anyway, I wanted you to know I do lie to you
And it’s been hard for me since he died
I’m coping thanks to the memories and hope you gave me
It’s given me enough will to even have tried

I could write so much more
There’s so much of my story to tell
Every word would be for you
For my angel that fell

But that’s not why I’m writing this
I just wanted you to know incase I’m gone
I’m sick and might not get better
But I’m begging you, if I don’t, to live on

-When i wrote this i was really sick with a chronic illness. everyword is true and i really couldn't tell the person who i wrote this for for those reasons and im not even sure if they'll ever see it. Anyway now i'm getting better and i was thinking to delete this but for some reason i think it should stay...