Good peice, just 2 comments in the 3rd stanza their are a couple of site error which may need attending tt, also the 2nd line in the 2nd stanza may need a little attention as at the moment the frammer is slightly questionable thouhg if you were to correct this then the rhyme scheme would be out...

discounting this, however, the peice is good. it's well written with some well explored ideas. I esspessially like the final stanza, it really closes the peice off well and is well presented.