My Console

Everything starts spinning
I slowly lose control
just when I think I'm winning
I feel an emptiness deep in my soul

I start to crave the pain
I will it all away
holding everything in
to get through the day

I try to smile
but it wears thin
when I start to think
nothing is worthwhile.

I hold my breath
and hope this time I won't
everything in my being
starts screaming at me "don't!"

When I can't take it anymore
I throw my reasons away
I grab my blade
knowing that tomorrow is another day.

Slowly I start to breath again
when I finally feel the pain
Tears pour from my eyes
an oh so empty rain.

I watch it pass me by
the only thing I control
then I start to cry
for this is my only means of console.

I try to ignore it
what I am doing to myself
but every time I see the marks
I put my feelings on the shelf.

I swear I won't do it again
I promise and I lie
I know I will do it more
each time I start to cry.