Nice lyrics

kinda got me choked up there

so u obviously did an awesome job

matt

Its excellent. Good lyrics and erything...Well Done!

That is beautiful..yet a bit sad. great job i love it!!

I thought it was really sweet i like it alot.. good job.. and keep writing!! comment my work 2 plz

Absolutely amazing. i dont know if you sing/play..if this is actually a song but it is amazing. Like matt..im 'choked' i don't know what to say.
I'm sorry you've been broken like this..
definately 5/5
>torn -x.x.x-

Wow thats awesome! A really good song/lyrical poem. Couple of bits it didnt quite seem to flow right but apart from that its a brilliant piece. Make a terrific song.

Great lyrics. You did an awesome good. Keep it up!

Great lyrics. You did an awesome good. Keep it up!

Wow i love! this is i think the best thing i have read that you have written..
please don't look at my song attempts because they are pathetic compared to this!
do you have a tune as well??
thanks for the comment it wasn't a bad one at all it's very good cos the last one i got from you was:

"good job.

-vino"

which is exactly tear jerking :P

this song however..

you're really talented!!
well done!

lonelynow xxx

Vino!!! it's perfect :)...........the first verse attracted me so much .......i really liked it a lot ....it matches when a person is feeling bad or sad but no one is there at all to feel with him or try to bring him up .

I think everyone on this site should stick to poems. Songs in a way are much harder, and when they are being critiqued the lyrics need to be very fine and need to have a great or exceptional flow.

The First thing that caught me was

All alone in the shadows
And no one knows you exist
People are extremely shallow
So now you hide in a mist

You can see an attempt at something, but it doesnt seem like the last 4 lines made a fine point, "hide in a mist..." of what. To leave a stanza ending that way, make something before it build up to it so you know what the mist is suppose to be figurative for.

Then the rest of the poem was fine up until (verse 3). When I read poems or songs, i like to hear a repetive rhyme scheme, you went from

ABCBDEFE,
ABCBDEFE,
ABCBDEFE,
ABCBDEFE,
AABACDED, (This is where the flow and rhyme was kind of messed up) and
ABCBDEFE

Other than that, it was good. Not excellent like i've seen from other works of yours. But with a little work, this will be right up there with the best of them.

4/5 Yours Truly
Bryce

Wow thats interesting lol nice

Wow Vino....thats is really great, but I have to ask is it like a screamo song or a song where people actually understand what the hell your saying. Well keep writing

jessie