***I know this is a very long poem, but please read it anyways. Also I hope you leave me comments and vote so I know how I'm Doing because this is one of my very few free verse poems. Thankx***
Walking; with no direction to go,
No real idea of where to go,
I just walk the endless night depths,
Rain beating down upon me from above.
Thinking; just walking alone and thinking,
It is not uncommon to see me doing such a thing,
It is just uncommon to see me much at all.
"Why?" one would ask, "Why are you like this,"
"Why are you the way you are"
I am quite aware of many things,
And have acquired much knowledge
And met very wise people among the way,
Yet, for some reason, I have no answer.
"Why haven't I an answer?" I ask myself,
"Why am I the way I am?"
I still have yet to figure this out.
Perhaps, just perhaps, there is no answer to this question.
I have answered many questions about myself,
Only to those who had the curiosity,
And the sight to see me and question these things.
I think back to my past and I realize suddenly,
Just how much I have changed and how long this journey has became,
How vast my history yet, I have no desire to explore it.
I disprove of myself back then; I hated who I was.
I will never go back there. NEVER.
"What is wrong with your past?" This, I am now asked,
"Who were you?" "What were you like?"
Bombarded with questions and no will to answer,
Only to those select few individuals.
I was blind. I was too blind to see
To see those who were dear to me; to see the things I could've stopped,
To see all the people I was hurting; to see that I was a danger to myself.
I hurt so many people in so many different ways.
I ask not for forgiveness; I want no sympathy.
I deserve no sympathy.
I am not confessing to "sins" for I care not if I sin.
I confess to let people know; only those people I hold dear to me.
All the rest, you have no business in my heart,
My kingdom; my sanctuary; OUR Sanctuary.
An empire it is: my kingdom.
I guard it well yet, they don"t know.
They know not that the king they hold high used to be a broken man,
And in part I still feel like I am part of that broken man,
Nay, not a man. I was a boy; a mere child.
A child dealing with these things,
The king they call an angel has seen many a tragedy,
And toyed with suicide many a time.
This black angel with his wings spread so beautifully,
Yet at the same time, so tattered and torn, has been through much.
I cannot begin to explain my past nor who I am,
For I still learn of who I am with each passing day.
But my question to those who ask me; to those who query who I am,
"Are we ever, at any two given points in time, the very same person?"
I think not for I am constantly changing,
Just as you, yourself, are changing as we speak.
Your heart grows older with each passing beat,
And with that next beat you are closer to death,
And you are one beat wiser.
Many do not stop to think of all the things around them; of all the little things.
Until two moons past, I had forgotten. I had forgotten about butterflies.
I had never paid them any mind.
That is when a great friend of mine showed me.
I was...stunned. I was...shocked. I was...hurt.
Hurt that I could've been so blind for so long,
I was so weighted down with sorrow that I had forgotten about the butterflies.
I realized, at that very moment in time, that she was right.
I was beginning to go blind and she reopened my eyes once again.
I am still walking now in this rain.
I am still thinking of all the many troubles,
But, at the same time, I see a beautifully vibrant butterfly,
Flapping its wings upon a midnight purple rose a ways off into the distance.
I still wonder why I am this way. I believe I have found my answer.
I do it for them; I do it for the ones I care,
I protect them even if it costs me much pain even death,
Yet I care not; I only care for them.
Many still do not see what I go through as I walk alone in the shadows,
Yet wait...I too am not alone...I sense them.
I sense all the ones I care for, keeping me warm, even in the piercing cold rain.
A shadow slowly appears in the distance. 'Tis my love; 'Tis one of the many I walk for.
My wings arch back, taking her into them to keep her warm,
And we walk alone together, knowing that our friends are there for us,
And knowing that we have each other; never truly alone.
This is just the way I am and this,
Despite the many changes I go through, always will be.
Why? For them.
My life, my heart, my soul; all... for them.
