Just for once

I come home and I think about nothing
But really I'm thinking about not thinking about you
I stand in front of my beautiful reflection
My dark hair is framing my pale face
And my eyes look as if they're in shade
Eye balls big and black, and my cheek bones are beginning to show again
My white pyjammas make me look like a goth in someone elses clothes
And I'm standing here remembering you
Knowing that if you were capable of it you would want me
Understanding that yu came over to me but they stood in your way
And satisfied that when you saw my arms wrapped around him
My head on his shoulders, my eyes on his crotch
That your stomach jerked and jealousy reigned
And I know that when my replacement walked up and I smiled and sighed
You wanted my eyes to fill with pain
But what you don't know is how much of me is a mask
So I'm standing here alone in my silent empty house
Feeling empty yet oddly full
As I look in the mirror and see the washed out thinning girl that stares back
That girl is me, and for once in my pain I'm seeing beauty
Just this once in this aching life I know that tonight you saw my beauty and wanted to hold it in your arms
You wanted to breathe me in and taste the pain that throbs inside
You wanted to watch me as I slowly drifted to sleep
And stroke my pale empty stomach as my breaths became my seemingly peaceful nightmare
Yes tonight I know you saw me, and wanted me, and needed me
But life gets in the way of everything that is meant to be
And pride gets in the way of us as we look and then glance away
As my frail beauty disintegrates with my thoughts of my replacement nestled in your arms