If These Memories Ever Fade

Right, All in all, I thought this was a good poem, but it has the potential to be better. I thought the first three stanzas were fine and they kept me, the reader, caught up in the poem and the ideals which it was talking about.

But the last stanza was a little bit off
"I hope that these will happen"
^These needs to be this.
"And that everything will go back to normal"
With this line, I think the "and" was unneccessary and could be cut out. You could put a comma at the end of the first line and remove the "and"
Which would make
"I hope that this will happen,
That everything will go back to normal"
But for now I sit here wondering
^ Something made me want to put a comma after the "But" to make a slight pause.
Will these memories ever fade
^ Needs a question mark.

Well done on the piece, Overall I enjoyed it and I liked the way you kept the emotions and feelings raw and readable.

Keep writing
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A great poem, I like the way you use the sentence "it these memories ever fade" agian, and again. But you should put on some questionmarks.
Love,
Line

A great poem it must be said, the use of repetition throughout was a great choice and I must say that the decision to end the poem with the same line was inspired, really helped to tie the whole thing together. It didn't rhyme and it didn't matter, the flow was excellent and the message was conveyed through a brilliant use of language. Top stuff 5/5 x

Very impressed! It didn't rhyme but that did not hurt the flow as it was great. I find it difficult to write in this style but you have done it nicely.
Only one thing is that you used the word "normal" twice...I personally lile to mix the words up and try not to use the same one repetively but sometimes we must to get our point across...all in all it was definately a great write!

Something I could relate to. I love the transition from "if" to "will" nice progession in the poem. THe theme was interesting...nice work...

[lostlaureate - come find me]