Underwater

by Drew Gold   Apr 14, 2006


And the silence perfumes madness
With a drifting scent; the words
Stand tall, lonely and oh so square
Like Wise Old Men, deciding
Their fate and times: skipping,
On the dotted-line, through
Feeling; thrashing it's stinger,
Wasp-like, up and down our spine
'Til we turn like snakes and coil;

Wrapped in red sun, shining,
Spelling out across the rocks
Like an open wound, and salt-
Water lashing against the sores.

As the tide tugs between us,
We slither towards a common goal
For sand or water- anything really
That's not quite as jagged as reality,
Or as toothy as perception
With his hungry hands opened
To desensitize feeling; weathering rocks
Into perches where we'd sit upon and kiss
The waves as they'd break, cold,
Upon our ankles- smooth
And imperfect; We, if there's any
Chance of us, must become the rock
As much as we're the wave
Sliding across foreign shores
Like some endless serpent
Lying in a starry repose
Stretched out, waiting
To strike.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Lenny

    Oooh I love that. The constant theme worked into pretty much every line, the link to the snake as a metaphor for your other metaphor. Its deliciously rich in its imagery, and just a pleasure to read. There, once more, is nothing to say.

  • 18 years ago

    by Samantha

    Well, that's just awesome. :) I lost MY ability to put words together because of your amazing ability to put them together.
    "Into perches where we'd sit upon and kiss"
    "upon" doesn't seem to be the right choice, perhaps it's because it's redundant (obviously you'd be upon the perches if you are sitting there). I don't exactly know how to explain what I'm saying but I'm hoping you'll understand.

    Anyway, if that's the only "mistake" (even if it's my mistake), then you are one heck of a writer, my friend.

  • 18 years ago

    by Fallen Angel

    The use of metaphor and imagery is again stunning. I'm not entirely sure what I can say about this except that I'm amazed that this poem had such a low rating. I guess most people don't have the capacity or perhaps the inclination to understand your poetry and when it goes over their heads they think it isn't very good...well they're wrong, it's amazing and if this quality pervades all your work then I think that you are seriously under-rated. Superb writing 5/5 x

  • 18 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    Very description! I like your use of imagery and metaphors.

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