The pains driving me insane

This is getting to hard
Everyday it seems to grow worse
Why do i have to suffer so much mental pain
It's like an unforgiving curse

My mind makes me angry at the world
For troubles that some did not mean to cause
But yet i hate them for what they do
The only things they seem to break are laws

My heart wont let me give up
But yet in every other way I'm too tired
I've been trying and trying
at least you cant say I haven't tried

This life is a journey
Through bad and through good
To get past it they say i need too
To get past it they say i should

But its so hard to keep standing
When I'm too tired to stay on my feet
I just want to lie down and rest,
And stop dancing to this beat

I thought i was strong enough
Everyone thinks that I'm great
But i know that one day its going to get to much
And by then it will be too late

The blood gives me some comfort
knowing that it flows inside my veins
knowing that i have the power to change that
knowing that i could get rid of my pains

The one thing i feel i have control over
Is whether i live or i die
But its the one thing i can never change
I'm not allowed to go up there and fly

It's my job to stay here on earth
I have to fight for whats right
The closest i can get to heaven
is dreaming of my flight

I have to look after those i hold close
Were would they be if i died
I cant have them getting upset about me anymore
it hurts to much, so i lied

I'm fine, said with a big smile on my face
repeated time and time again
I hope one day i can mean it
The pains driving me insane