Life is a gift! yea i can tell myself this over and over and it still means nothing to me.how can we appreciate life when it seems like everything has gone wrong?will the pain and hurt ever go away?yea theres times when I'm happy,yeteverynight my eyes are filled with tears.sometimes i don't even know why i cry.but the pain is still there whether it was the best day in the world or not!sometimes i think about cutting,sometimes i think about suicide,but then i think of how much pain that would bring my family and friends,and i don't want them to feel the pain i withhold.Ive been hurt and double crossed by my family,friends,and even people i don't even know! the only time I'm having fun is when I'm high or drunk or on pills,and i don't want to live my life like this.i want to appreciate life but it seems every time i try i just end up getting screwed over.i just want to know if ill ever escape this pain and if so......how long is it going to take.will i ever be the happy little girl i used to be?i just think it would be easier to be free ya know?does everyone feel like this at one point in their life?what should i do?why do i feel like this? does anyone even realize I'm torn apart inside?i try my best to deny the things that had happened to me and pretend like everything is ok....but its not!i don't want to tell people because I'm scared of being judged.why is this world,and the people in it so messed up?i cant trust anybody...I'm even starting to question myself!i just wish someone had the power to reach into my life and understand me,help me,maybe even save me!!!!!!
