Haven't I Had Enough Yet?

I fear pain
the hurt of betrayal.
I'm going insane
taking on this portrayal.

A perfectly fake smile
in my real ones place
so tired of pretending
that I haven't been disgraced.

I'm tired of pretending
that everything will be okay
because in reality
I don't want to live another day.

Will I ever be whole again?
I wonder as the days pass
slowly but surely
cleaning up the mess.

The position I've taken on
is slowly sinking in.
I have to be strong
and quit thinking of what might have been.

I made my mistakes
but haven't I paid?
I've felt the heartache
I've felt the shame.
I've played the game.
I need a break.

When will it all end?
Must I take my life?
What must I do
to end this strife?

Haven't I had enough yet?
Is my punishment over?
Am I out of karma's debt,
Is there more to come?
Haven't I had enough yet?