Memories of the Man on the Stair

I can't move. I can't breathe.
My eyes pinch together so tightly
I'll never be able to open them again.
I'll slip back into the land of Make Believe.
I'll pretend to sleep, and maybe
It will be true.
I hear him on the stair
Trying to be quiet
But his footsteps echo like thunder in my ears
Tears slide down my cheeks

I want to run. I want to scream.
But I can't move, and I can't breathe.

He stands over me now
Rasping darkly
Breath reflecting his sinister thoughts
My soul moans and I roll away
Trying to push my self into the wall
Wishing I could roll straight through
I press my cheek until the grain and I become one
My wooden tongue swells up in the wetness of my mouth
Choking off my air.

I want to run, I want to scream.
But I can't move, and I can't breathe.

I can fell him on the bed
Slipping the covers over himself
Trying to hide his dirty sins
He edges close to me
Hand slithering closer and closer
Seeking me
I try to fight the silence, to scream, to stop him
But my voice has deserted me.
I'm paralyzed.

I want to run, I want to scream
But I can't move, and I can't breathe.

He presses against me now
Shoving me harder against the wall
His lips against my neck
His hand in my hair,
Using it as a weapon against me.
I curse it for betraying me so.
I feel his strength as he rips away my shirt
flesh touches flesh

I want to run, I want to scream
But I can't move, and I can't breathe.

I pray for an out of body experience
Sleep, death, anything to escape this
I don't want this
I drag in a ragged breath
He strips himself of clothes
My lungs are dry and desperate for
Air that refuses to come
His chest presses against me
The foreign course hairs scratch at me
An arm snakes around me
Holding me close while my spirit fights away
I want to burn every inch of skin he touches

I want to run, I want to scream
But I can't move, and I can't breathe.

I feel his teeth against my neck
Hand slipping down past my navel
Bringing me back to long ago
When another hand slipped down so low
In an instant, he snatched me away from the wall
Presses me down so he can mount
Crushing me now
So I can't move and I can't breathe
I am clothed and so is he
But he rushes and surges
In a primordial rhythm
Pushing against the cloth
Searching and Searching
For a place that can't be reached

I want to run, I want to scream
But I can't move, and I can't breathe.

He tries to wrap my deadened hands around him
Begging for love that refuses to be
Wanting more than I can give
Wanting more than I have
I refuse to stay
A curse slips from his lips
And he rolls away
Then he's gone
I can't feel him on the bed
Can't hear him in the room

I can breathe now
It comes in retching sobs
Siezing all thoughts from me
I hug my pillow close as I weep
I pray for God
To give me sleep

And to keep away the memories
Of the Man on the Stair.