Behind Closed Doors

Oh what I'd do
To freeze this moment in time
I want to be happy
Is that such a crime?
I sit here with family and friends
Watching them laugh and smile
Knowing these are the moments
That make my life worthwhile
Then the air goes cold
Time to tell my friends goodbye
If they only knew
Inside I start to cry

Behind closed doors
Is my biggest of fears
Not allowed to laugh or smile
So bring on the tears
Here comes the pain
Though I stand with pride
Imagining the bruises
I will have to hide

The college life is great
I'm finally free
They'll never again
Get their hands on me
But there are some scars
That just won't heal
And there's only one way
For me to truly feel
So I pray to Him
While holding the knife
Save me from myself, Father,
I don't want to die

Behind closed doors
Is my biggest of fears
No reason to laugh or smile
So bring on the tears
There's no more pain
That part of me died
I just add on
To the cuts I'll have to hide

Who would've thought
In all the world
Someone would marry
Such a troubled girl
I thought I'd be happy
No more on my own
I thought it wasn't possible
To be even more alone
As a kid I had my friends
In college, my knife
But with him all I have
Is the struggle for dear life

Behind closed doors
Is my biggest of fears
I still can't laugh or smile
So he beats me to tears
Don't worry I feel no pain
There's not an ounce of pride
All is left of me
Is a body for him to hide