Before during and after

Sometimes i count the hours until I'm free
Until i can be gone from my destiny
Away from this home walking my drained feet
On the ground crying to the fast paced beat
Sorting out my head while fire lights my mouth
Sometimes i don't want to count

I'll close the chapter on this forgotten page
Full of blood tears and suppressed rage
I'll let go of every-ting i was taught
Just to ignore all these empty thoughts
I'll stop my heart and get in your way
Then maybe you'll see me another day

I'll get in your way and stand up tall
i will shout until the bulbs burst in the hall
I'll cry my eyes for one last hug
Just to know I'm counted and not some bug
I want you to understand I'm sorry for the past
But i gotta close up now.. this is the last

I am finally happy now just leave it at that
Forgive all my antics and place them on the rack
If you cant forget then i wont change
As there is no councilor.. just NO WAY
I want to move on and forget my trespasses
But you cant do it with all your half empty glasses

As the sky turns Grey and the day becomes night
I lay awake in bed at night
I think of the happy times from before
But i block all the happiness.. as i don't want to cry anymore
I want to feel numb and block out the pain
I don't want to be normal... just get through the day