I am also a sucker for freeverse...which is why I love this
You may want to break it up into stanzas a bit or its hard to read and loses the rhythm, but only if that is possible
The rest was so sad and beautifully written, with good choice of language
KEep writing :)

Fantastic peice, great use of vocab and description thoughout. well written and very powerful. i found nothing qwhatso ever to pick fault with, it's a brilliantly writen peice with some great ontent and well portrayed concepts.

5/5

Wow this is great. i love the imagery. i can totally see the whole thing happening. the transition from the first part to the second is great. the whole this is fabulous. i love

I don't often read many of any one poet's work. Generally I'll read a few, comment on one or two that I like and hope that they'll return the favour..But I've R/R/C'd three of yours now and I'm not sure I want to stop! I really love your writing, everything is so well considered, it's truely amazing writing and I can't wait to see more! Definately adding you to my favourites...*goes off to add*...x