You're supposed to look back,
with a wry and knowing smile
and a sigh
and say
the pleasure was worth the pain.
Maybe I just need more time
or maybe I'll never be the same.
What do I do now
with these shards
that were my heart?
my friends say time
and only time
will heal these wounds.
And no matter how I try
it just takes time.
So I keep myself distracted
and I patiently take each day
as it comes.
But some days I'm still paralyzed
with missing you.
I've tried everything I can to fill the void
that, love
you left me with so long ago.
the hands and lips of men
who adore me for an evening
but leave me Less a living person
when they go.
I can throw myself
thong-clad
on many beds.
And for one night. Maybe two
feel safe
and wrapped up in strong arms
just counting heartbeats.
And for a moment it can seem
Like I've found means
to ease
my pain.
and then the light comes out again
at once aware. ashamed.
and meekly picking up the clothes
that have been strewn around the room
All I can think about is You.
Saunter through a day
still fooling everyone
and every day
more of the same.
I am broken. Empty.
so sick of being told I'm pretty
when all I feel is dead.
You loved me
and I loved you
and while we did I took for granted
all the beauty of true love.
Now I miss you
and I want you. and I need you
and I think of you each moment
and I wonder if you miss me
long to hold me
are lost without me.
