It\\\'s amazing how you could be the most loved person in the world
But yet you have this misunderstanding, like they took you in wrong.
It\\\'s not the real you that they claim they know
Its the happy you try to be whenever theyre around.
I cant quite figure how I could actually slip to this
How even though I have the best of friends
I relate to pouring my feelings out to this loaded gun
This gun I take with me when I leave the house to think
This gun that refuses to let me think about the fun I could have
It pours out to me the worst I have lived.
So, when the time comes for me to head home
I debate within myself if I really have to head back
I have this power over this gun
It cant tell me what to do, I have the power in my hands
With one slip of a movement, I could head home.
A different home from where you think, but perhaps I am wrong too.
The weirdness of it all is that when the actual moment comes for me to do the task
My mind takes me back to what Im about to do.
The people I will leave behind.
The church I grew so far away from.
The friends that would have to suffer.
As I headed home.
Maybe she was right.
Maybe if I do this, I would have taken more than my life.
Ill burn into a thousand fires that makes this world seem like paradise.
A utopia of pain, longing, and burn.
Something that beats the pain Im going through now, by a long shot.
Maybe its not worth it
Maybe I should head back to the house.
My mom is probably waiting for me
With a hot meal and a warm home
Maybe I will call a friend and rejoyce for once because...
I AM living.
And I chose differently than the gun told me.
