by Green M&M Apr 23, 2006
category :
Life, society /
other
|
I don't know your name, |
by Anonymous
|
That was pretty good. |
by Dark Kitten
|
Not the best of your poems. I saw some repetition in there and again the need for more commas, but it was a decent read still. Keep it up. |
by Michelle18
|
This was a great poem! i didnt really understand it at first but i do now.. its really good. |
by Goran Rahim
|
Nice poem, keep the great job up/ 5/5 |
|
Maybe you could try forcing the rhyme a bit less in some places and focus on your fluency more. I am not insulting you. You see to have the rhyme pattern down, but it feels like you need to have your poem rhyme takes away from the diction and flow that could really help you create and shape this poem. It has a good message, I don't know, I guess I think you have the ability to really give it a life of its own, and I was sad that I didn't feel that as much with this poem. |