Untitled please help

by silhouette fairy   Apr 24, 2006


Turning corners
up and down
all around
like a river
what a blast

turning red
now flowing through
pumped up
this is amazing
what a trip

over your body
through your veins
you see us
only when you cut
what am i?

why of course
the blood
flowing
showing
hidden away

don't really like but i wrote it
so tell me what you think

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  • 18 years ago

    by Ariana

    I thought the tone of the poem betrayed the darkness/sadness of the topic. I liked this cause it sounds almost bittersweet. In the first couple of stanzas what are are writing about it also not revealed and can be interpreted in different ways. It is a complete surprise when the true meaning and metaphors are shown in the third stanza. I thought the words in the last stanza contradicted themselves (with 'showing' and 'hidden away') so maybe a couple more lines or descriptions added will make it sound more complete. Congrats for winning the poetry contest :)