In The Dark

Opening my mouth wide
And wrapping my lips around
The end of a pistol
My fingers go limp while
Sweat and blood drips silently down my face
I live for this.
Excitement and the guilty pleasure
Of scaring myself
Almost to death.
I'm flirting shamelessly
With the Grim Reeper
Sometimes hoping he'll take me away
In his wagon of death
Close my eyes,
And in the dark I find peace
But my windows are forced to open
By the still frame world around me
I'm a ghoulish spirit
Gliding though life almost paralyzed
With an ever present pain
I'm trapped in the skin forced upon me
Cutting open my own flesh
To prove to myself
That this is reality
I want to awake from this fatal sleep
Before I suffocate in my own pillowcase
Missing the kisses given to me by my demons
The sacred moment of knowledge-
Not knowing myself
And not being able to make sense of my life
But realizing that this battle will never end
Not being bitter,
Just surrendering myself to the gatekeeper
To cross the solemn river of red
To the black gallows beneath
Into the looming unknown
A new high that I haven't had yet
But I can't ever return from this buzz
I can't wake up, and I can't revive
I'll lie in a casket
Laid with roses
Dripping black from their thorns
Why don't I pull the goddamn trigger?!