by Ariana
I like how you use the rain as the main idea here and work your anecdote around it. I also enjoyed the really casual language eg ' well, you know, the moment lost' cause it sounds as if you are speaking/writing directly to someone. I also like the line 'i've never felt this way before' as it makes the encounter sound special & out of the ordinary, and the person and someone to be remembered. I'd suggest breaking up the last line into two as this would emphasise the idea of rain more and would give a nice closing :) |