Why is this coming back?
I thought I had rid myself of it
I guess I was wrong
All I did was read a few old poems
And glance at my blade a few times
Is that all it takes?
Am I really that weak?
Can't I control myself?
Why am I becoming depressed again?
Why am I feeling the overwheling urge to push and pull down?
Why am I feeling the need to wear a mask again?
Maybe rehab is a good idea
Maybe I do have an "extreme case"
My arms weren't THAT torn up
.....right?
My scars are fading
But a part of me doesn't want that
Even now, the blade looks so tempting
Calling out to me
I know I want it
I really, really do
But if I do it....
There'll be no way to hide it
At least not now
But can I resist it for that long?
Or shall I give in yet again?
It's starting to consume my thoughts again
...And I don't mind it
I can see the towel
Still stained with blood from the last time
The sight of it gets me excited
I wanna give it fresh blood
I wanna watch the blood sail down my arm
Never seeming to stop
But again, I don't mind
I want it to continue
I want to submurge my wrist in warm water
To speed up the proccess
So I don't have to wait
So I can get this over with
But then I wonder
What makes me want to do this?
There's nothing too bad with my life
Give or take a few things, of course
And now, I can feel my wrist stinging
Lusting for the blade
Lusting for what I won't give it
But again I ask myself
....can I truely resist it?
