Ahh very good, made chills run down my spine. Though it is a bit sketchy you have great potential. I can see that you poured yourself out in this one and I admire that you just need to work on your wording a bit and then your set because you seem to have a great vocabulary. Can't wait to see what you write next. Keep it up!

Hmmm i agree with crimson poet about it being sketchy, it's hard to tell what it's about, but it's still very powerful. kinda chilling.
-L.V