Why do i go wrong?

I don't get today.....

Why did i lie to you? act as if i didn't care, as if i didn't want to be there?
Why did i hide my hurt, pain, the tears Ive cried?
Why did i lie and say i was getting on with my life?
Why did i act as if i gave up?
Why? Why?

Why didn't i do what i wanted to do?
Cuddle you, kiss you, tell you i loved you.
And what did i do?

After all the pain and hurt i have been feeling of not being with you, and then we are together and i throw it all in your face.
Its not that i don't love you, thats not the case.

I do love you, I do care.
This pain is horrible, its not fair.
If only you was here and not at home.
I feel so down, so alone.

I am sorry about today.
I Love you, Thats what i wanted to say.
But i couldn't find away to say it, get it out, make it clear.
Why cant you see......that.....letting you go......Is my biggest fear.