The Detest of Mankind

Before the final test is over,
I was unstable and not sober.
I hate the way you say her name,
I hate the way I feel, I put myself to shame.
She might be in the past, but she takes my place, or was I ever anything to him.
My life isn't perfect, nothing but loose memories and store-bought grayness and grim.
Nothing's at peace, every thought of you is like war.
I'm going to break down, I don't think I can take this anymore.
I hate the love that I have for him, just too much.
I can't stand the way you look at me, don't touch me.
Forever isn't forever, so stop living in the past, here is your future. Take it and respect it.
Maybe since you DONT care, I'll just quit.
Done with it all and end whats left of me,
I's not fair, I hate it all, cant you see?

**About my boyfried and him thinking about his ex-girlfriend a lot. She isn't with us. She died of an over-dose.. a year ago, june.. something idk. Anyways, he is always saying "This song reminds me of April" or "Im not gonna lie, I do think of Apirl everyday" Da.mnit, I makes me sooo PISSED off, I might sound like a stupid immature girl for saying all this, but it hurts for him to say these kind of things. God, please help me. I don't think he should say stuff about April all the time. It kinda makes me feel like he doesnt love me or he doesnt care about me.. I feel worthless a lot now-a-days. Her birthday was April 19th. He didnt even know until I told him it was April 20th, and he said.. Aprils birthday was yesterday, I know you probably dont care, but yeah" I just want to punch him in the fu.cking face sometimes.

Lord forgive me for saying this.

-Shana