I swear i tried

And you make me so desperate
I don't know what to say
The words just wont come out
When you look at me that way

The secrets and the lies i hide behind
Are stronger than any words I'll ever say
But they stay safe inside the back of my mind
Making me wish i wasn't this way

I wish i could say it
And mean every single word
But its hard to admit a problem
In this lonely world

It takes courage to say some things
And thats something i just don't have
It means more to say the words
Than carve them in your hand

I gave it up
I swear i tried
I'd rather lie to you
Than than see the heart break in your eyes
When i say i cant

I'm loosing more than food in this battle
I'm loosing my heart
Every time i make it come back up
It's another lonely cut

I over-eat in front of you
then turn away and hide
I hope you don't see the fact
I'm tearing up inside

Saying I'm fine and turning away
Are just ways around the truth
I wish you could just get it
So i didn't have to tell you

I lie to you
more than i lie to myself
It's harder to convince people
When you cant even convince yourself

I care so much about you
I cant bring myself to say it
I have a problem
I really do
I just want you to know i tried

I look in the mirror every day
Is this what i want to see
There's this girl standing their
But she isn't me

I don't recognize my reflection
Am i someone else
Do i even care
That I've ruined myself

Scars mean nothing
When i watch you turn away
You don't care about you
You don't want to see you this way
You did this to yourself

It wont heal until you put the knife down
Back away from this
This isn't what you want
This isn't what you said
This isn't what you promised
This means everything to him

It's not like you meant to break him
Burn him from the inside out
You destroyed his heart
Just like you destroyed yourself

You cover your arms
And pray to God they wont see
Secretly you want them to
But crazy is something you just cant be

Locked up in your own asylum
You are your own mental judge
Decide if this is right
Decide if this is wrong

The parents that hate you
Because of the girl you just couldn't be
And the man you loves
That still cant make you see

Hate flows threw your veins
It spreads like a sickness inside your walls
To bad you don't know what love means
And to bad no ones there to catch you when you fall