by Clarissa May 3, 2006
category :
Love, romance /
desired love
What if I could kiss you and hold you, knowing that you would still be here? |
by Fallen~Tears
^^^ I agree with the above comment.. it needed to flow better... and i thought maybe a bit more emotion in it?.. i loved the idea of the poem thought.. great job.. keep it up |
by J Lau
I liked the content of the poem... but would enjoy it much more if it was structured and presented in a way you want the poem to flow. The entire poem should also be broken down into three stanzas to create the different tone... the time when you're together... the time he disappeared... and ending with the insight into your emotional state of mind. Otherwise, good write. Keep up the good work. |
by Kaylee
I agree with everyone else, some descriptions could bring this to life. This one line is more of a run on so maybe cut it to two different sentences: |
by Sean Dohr
Nice prose... Could have been a little more metaphorical or symbolic, but the poem was still passionate. Good write! |