A Daughters Pain

From a heart that you feel is stony cold,
Come tears that flow from this icy place,
A stream with droplets that are too hot to hold,
Imagine how this feels as they run down my face.

Imagine now, as you read, how painful it can be,
To know your mother is ashamed to say your name,
And to know your whole family would agree,
A life already full of disgrace is totalled with shame.

I never thought my mother was naive,
Until you wrote of the reason of my lost smile,
I didnt want my family close was what you did believe,
Ever thought it was because I felt unworthy all the while.

The laughter felt worthless when I looked around,
I was lost in a world that was full of false security,
A powerful reality hit: I was hellward bound,
I feel I cant live a life of my grandfathers purity.

Every time I used others as a shield,
Every self-doubt I had posed in my mind,
Written on paper, to remind me of the hate I yield,
Not unto others, but of me; a hate that is all I find.

Looking back I can see; two things I refused to know,
I denied my own burden and I denied your pain,
Two simple mistakes that had the hardest blow,
Mixed in with other thoughts I chose to restrain.

I know its hurting you as you watch me lose my way,
And I know that inflicted on you is all my pain,
Your standing on the outside, trying to write things to say,
But the cause of all this hurting is at the end of my every vein.

There is so much more to say, but it cannot all be said,
Please just draw closer to me and gently be my guide,
Its too late to change the past; this is where its lead,
But can we change the future? Can we face it side by side?