Everyday I Sin

Everyday I fake a smile, saying I'm fine,
While in reality I walk a thin line.
Denying that there is anything wrong with me,
In my past my problems will always be.

Everyday I laugh when I want to cry,
When I'm silent friends wonder why.
Seeming full of energy when really weak,
Prospects of happiness seem forever bleak.

Everyday my mood swings are worse and worse,
The hurt I've caused with words I wish to reverse.
Saying things to friends I don't really mean,
Wishing my tears they could've seen.

Everyday things become blurry in my eyes,
But I hide my hunger with smiles and lies.
Eat enough to seem normal, but never a lot,
In this never-ending diet I am caught.

Everyday I have internal conflicts,
I'm the girl who constantly eating restricts.
Sick to my stomach, never full enough,
But at the same time my stomach I stuff.

Everyday I act like friend's words don't hurt me,
Whether their kidding or not with them I agree.
They call me stupid, mean, and fat,
How can anyone not mean that?

Everyday I grow more cold and sick,
But still I feel as heavy as brick.
Seeing a reflection that's not real,
Hating myself more with every meal.
Every day in my life is the same,
Feeling like I'm lost in a life threatening game.
Can't ask for help, no one knows the danger I'm in,
Unable to stop, everyday I sin.