Unintentional Sadist

I don't really understand it
But I grew up for you
Letting go of childish things
And then from there I grew

But look at me now and say you know me
I know you don't see what I see
I now see my frailty and my weakness
But what you know is the facade I seem to be

Please look into my eyes and say you love me
Or can you not see past through my hate?
This is the hate that claims my life
It is me--I am my own fate

I hate you for contributing to my pain
Time and time again
But I wish it were you who hated me-
Why? I'm not sure...for lying about who I am?

Strip me down and I a but a weak and weary soul
Brought down by the weight I inflict upon myself
Masochist I seem to be
I will continue this pattern too, I am sure.
I'm a sadist...unintentionally.

February 23, 2006