When i go to slepp tonight i hope i dont wake up

I've finally f*Kin done it, I've lost my freaking mind
and it's you who made lose it can't believe dis shit all happened in this short amount of time..
the one i care for most has given up on me, don't think he'll ever come back home to me but i still sit here hoping, dreaming for that day to come
when he holds me close
but now my dreams are filled with darkness cause you decided to leave my fantasies used to include you and me, whispering sweet nothings, to each other,
you were my lover, but now that's old and faded away
now my hopes and dreams are filled with blood
pills, knives, homicides, shooting guns
how pleasant and sweet it would be
if i could die instantly
and be free of these people who tried to keep me under
and those who gave up on me
i finally gave up myself
and now death is what i think of,
death and nothing else
but i do admit i still think we could make it through this
but you can't see that and I'm sick of trying maybe one day you'll see it
on your own, won't need my help
i hope by then I'll be gone so you can't get ya last words in
like i couldn't get mine
how ironic it would be
if you were the one who killed me, stuck the knife through my heart
like you already did hypothetically
many times before
murder isn't new to you
you killed my heart, dreams, and hopes
what have i done to you?and yet your the only one with the power to help me, the power to keep me alive
but you put that aside
in fact Kenny, you WANT me die
your WISHING i wilt away into the sands of time
your praying for that wonderful day
when death becomes mine
i could be wrong but i doubt, and if I'm wrong prove it
don't be so foolish
I've got a balcony to jump off of, and I'm dying to use it
but i won't because i got hope that you'll
come back again to save me
maybe I'm wrong
maybe you'll be the one to push me