Life long letter

Please read i know its long

There are so many things about me that no one knows
Like how some days I wake up feeling so low
Or how I would cover up all my sins
And when no one was around I would do everything all over again
Or like how I can have tears rolling down my face
But to everyone else all they see is a smile where once my tears were placed
How bout all the times I looked at him with pain in my eyes
But I covered all my pain up with a disguise
At times I tend to get loud and shout
That my way for crying out for help, but no one has figured that out
This one is invisible to the eyes, but I do have a band-aid over my broken heart
No one knows but so many boys have torn me apart
What bout the time I didnt eat for days
All cause some boy got up and walked away
All the times my family and me fought
But to no one else that wasnt even a thought
One time I thought I was a mom, all this happened in December
That is one memory I will always remember
I was so scared that I was gonna be 15 and having a kid
That is when I wished I could of taken back everything that I did
Now its time for another flash back, in August I almost lost my friend to some pills
I was so scared that I was gonna lose her, that all my days turned ill
There were so many times when I was convicted of telling a lie
But I was actually telling the truth, but having no one believe me made me want to give up and never try
How about all those times I thought my friends were always gonna stay
But when I needed them the most that is when they got up and walked away
Then in high school so many rumors about me were started and the truth is something that I could not get anyone to believe
Then me and my cousin started fighting and I was so scared that she was gonna get up and leave
She met a guy and I met one too
Without this guy I dont know what I would do
Then theres one boy that I wish I could forget
After all this time he still claims to be a crip
It was so stupid of me to believe what he said
All of his lies just filled up my head
A few months later I met this boy
Who treats me with respect and not just like another one of his toys
He lives about an hour away
But when I get to see him I always want to stay
Sometimes I meet up with him at night
Everything he does is just so right
He was my first, thats a fact that is gonna be hard for him to believe
There was that other guy but he only fingered me and made me bleed
How bout all the times I got in a fight with a close friend
But now that I think about it we werent that close cause now our friendship has reached an end
Then there was that night with all that drama
With my step dad, me and my mama
Fighting, yelling, and cussing each other out
Then we stopped talking and I realized he never cared about my whereabouts
At times my life seemed too hard to bear
I wanted to give up but my true girl was there
Looking back on the past
Makes me want to stop growing up and make the good times always last
In my heart I know forever does end
Just like how time has made my broken heart mend
How about all those times I just wished he would call
But deep down I know that wasnt gonna happen at all
All those times I spent waiting by the phone
But I would always have to go to bed alone
How about all those times I got my dreams shoved back in my face
Where ever I went I felt I didnt have a place
But now things are starting to get better
This is the story of my life long letter