Sometimes you ask me why
i guard myself so well
why i put up those walls
the barriers you cant knock down.
if you really want to know
you must look deep inside my thoughts
into my past,into my memories
you have to search forever
forever and a day
to find this answer.
for not even i myself can tell you
and i certainly dont have the time to go
wandering into my mind alone
for my mind in itself is a dangerous place
i cant let you know how i truely feel
the love i have for you is so strong,
all you want is the physical stuff
but i have WAYY to much self respect
to let you even get close.
i know ive done it again
driven you away,
not geting close enough for you
but too close for me
i guess what i really need is someone
who is guarded,
just as securely as me
they would understand that
hugging and holding hands would
mean i d have to knock down a barrier
or two
and i dont have enough strength
no, not even to do that for you
my dear i love you
i want you so bad
i want to touch you
and feel your arms around me
but my mind, oh.
my mind, how hard it is to
to get past those blocks,
those walls in my mind,
how solid they are.
only you, your the only one
that can help me with this
you know me as well as anyone
you know my secrets
my fears, but you cant seem to understand
my situation.
i love you
and all you want to know is why i am so guarded
a simple question for you
simple oh yes
but the answer. its so complicated to hard
to understand,
for you
but to me its daily life,
just fighting with myself in my head.
no youll never understand
not untill
youve been hurt like me, not untill
you....not until you ARE me,. never
no ...just never.
my jumbled thoughts.
they even made this, and you can see
the issues i have in these words, they
are hard to understand.
confusing.if you read them out loud
but in my head they make sense,
for they are the story of my life.
