Comments : Promises Becomes the Lies

  • 18 years ago

    by Fallen Angel

    "The air is thick with the lies you spoke
    Each promise made is one you broke"
    A really powerful beginning and one that I really thought very effective. I really liked these two lines, just stating in plain terms that every promise made was broken and I think that by not trying to be overly descriptive you kept the edge on this poem. The rhyme was very effective and over all the poem had a very strong flow. 5/5 x

  • 18 years ago

    by myshiningstar14

    I love the beat and the word choice. This poem is amazing. keep it up.

    Lissa

  • 18 years ago

    by LiL K

    Wow, this is a really deep poem truly written from the heart. I love how you write two couplets and then an ABAB stanza...that was unique.

    My favorite lines are..

    "Choking gasps falls into despair
    You tore apart what truth you gave"

    Very powerful and well-written! 5/5

    *~:thanks for your comment btw:~*

  • 18 years ago

    by :.:.:LostRegret:.:.:

    "Each lie was slowly given its own life
    Blithely you ignore all of this strife"
    I absolutely loved the way you wrote that. Your poem was so pensive I wonder if you wrote that from experience. If so I apologize. -Regret

  • 18 years ago

    by Nicholas Kerst

    Great poem...it gives some good imagery...its almost like my most recent...this poem might be among your top 5...i like the changing of rhyming patterns...and the rhyming for that fact

    --S-S--

  • 18 years ago

    by Nee

    I love this poem, its very sad and heartfelt!
    thanks for your comment on mine...I guess I needed your criticism =) thanks.

    about the poem, well, my english isn't perfect but I like the poem overall, it meant something to me.
    just check the grammar mistake in the title "Promises BecomeS the lies". shouldn't it be "Promises Become The Lies"

    other than that, the poem is really sweet, well written
    Keep it up
    Yours
    NemO x0x0x0x0