Until Death

So many questions and no answers
So many obstacles in this maze
Many more regrets than not
I've had to handled through the days

Why is everyone testing me?
It's like I do nothing right
Pushed and shoved all over
Always putting up with a fight

It's like a call of destiny
Telling me to just let go
Living this life is so hard
I have never felt so low

Pressured with all the bearings
I can hardly stand on my feet
Left in the dirt on the ground
Left so alone in defeat

What is a family, friend, love?
Sounds like a dream to me
Something I've lost long ago
Something I knew could never be

Pondering the dread of tomorrow
I lay crying in my bed tonight
How much more can I endure
How much longer can I fight?

Tears trickle as I turn on the light
And scan through the old photos
Caress the one of him in it
I should forget him I suppose

I'm shaking and shivering all over
I'm so scared, confused, and mad
I know I deserve all this sh**
I know that I am bad

I'm too scared to pull that trigger
Too scared to cut once more
Too scared to drown in water
Too scared to run out the door

Instead, I push myself all the way
Force my heart to keep on beating
Yet torcher myself through and through
I had even stopped eating

I know I sound crazy
I can hardly believe it either
But many of you have friends or family
And I feel I have neither

As days go on, I bend and break
Curse myself under my breath
I hate myself, and this place
It won't be long, until my death