A big of chips

Little typo at the end there. I liked the first and last stanzas they worked well. This seemed a tad comical to me a times and only seemed to scratch the surface....perhaps you are quite at home in your new style yet...keep exporing...make me sense the sadness....

[lost_laureate]

Little typo at the end there. I liked the first and last stanzas they worked well. This seemed a tad comical to me a times and only seemed to scratch the surface....perhaps you are quite at home in your new style yet...keep exporing...make me sense the sadness....

[lost_laureate]

Just run a spell check. Otherwise the poem is alright. It's up to you if you want to go into more detail to make it feel alive. If you like it the way it is by all means go ahead and keep it like this. Keep writing.