You have som espelling you might want to go over and the exclaimation point screams the final word instead of making it feel more like a question. The style is alright. You could have gone into detail but this is alright.

It's pretty rash....but it's interesting. Yes the spelling needs looking at....but if you reworked this one using the framework you have now this has the potential to be even better. Nice stuff..

[lost_laureate]

Many people feel the same way you do, but be strong and keep up the good work...

-Josiah

Thanks for you c/r

Ok, like the other one, spelling and grammar really take away form the meaning of this poem. I found myself concentraring on that rather than the writing. but the writing was well done :)