I am trying

It ends a bit abruptly for my taste... but what is here is very good. You do a good job with the rhyming thing (I'm horrible at it).

Short but good. The 2nd stanza was amazing. The flow and rhyme scheme were also very good. A great peice to read. =] 5/5

`taleee

Good peice, has a good rhythum which pulls in the reader and coupled with the content maintains interest well. the repitition with the begining and end works very well tieing the peice together well.

5/5

I've read some of your poems before, not much and not really in awhile, so I can't really say if this was yourbest one or not but I liked the style and the repetition at the end of it. This is that one style you mentioned in your request, right? I liked the word choice though and even though it was short it still caught my attention and I got some kind of beat to it while reading the words.

Good job, though not as good as your other ones. Your flow was a little rough in some spots