Please please please v/c it will mean so much to me

This is good. it has good structure, and although the rhythm changes slightly towards the end, the pace slow and so the words have more impact. i liked the imagery you used, it created a real feeling within the poem. well done! keep it up!

xXx

This poem right here is so real it seems as if it happened for real and it feels like a movie based on a true story but keep writing things like this and you will go some where in life trust me on that

Something a touch different. Perhaps not the best or most original but rather well for something a little strange with content. The ending just didn't go with the rest yet it did have great flow and such.
~Fallen