I loved you this much Part 1

Wow eric....that was remarkable....I loved every second of it....I'm gonna read the second part, so h/o

I was feeling that at one part u will shooooooot her, get over it dear there' love everywhere.

love

Wow Eric u really do have the gift of words! i love ur stuff. thanks for commenting on my stuff =) and just for the record am still moving on from that guy. But i wil lget ther eventually. I ahven't met anyone to make me forget him yet.

Its a really nice poem. It must have been good because i read it all. Its long but really great. each stanza flowed so beutaifully into one another. Although it sounds really nice i have a few tips to make it flow better. In your third paragraph, last line i think it would sound better as "and now i'm torn apart". It makes it shorter so it flows better. And one paragraph later, last line i think that "to get her out of my head" flows a bit better because its shorter again. And in your fifth paragraph you probobly accidentaly rhymed disease, breathe and leave. It sounds kinda odd. I think that it would sound better if you shortened your first line, and came up with an alternative word for desease. Maybe something like
"These memories plague my mind"
"They refuse to leave"
Then you may have to do a bit of work on the later lines but the way that i recommend would again shorten it and make it flow better. Your 8th and 9th paragraphs are 3 lines and it totaly throws your poem off. You should either get rid of them, or try and find a way to make them 4 lines and retain the same rhyme scheme as the rest of your poem. Other than that your poem seems really good. The main problem i found in your poem was that some of your lines were too long and it threw off the rythm of the poem. And other than the last paragraph you should try to stick with the same format of paragraph. Switching between rhyme schemes can be risky and it could break your poem apart. When you started shortening them it was really well done and it flowed really well. Well lets get away from the structure now. Your poem is very touching. I loved it. Its really sad and ya, love hurts. When my first (and only) girlfriend broke up with me, i went insane. if your still feeling down then don't worry about it. It will all be alright. Great poem. well written but it could be improved just a little bit. If you would like to talk a bit more than either e-mail me or we could chat over MSN. Great poem.

Excellent poem. Beautiful and full emotions and feelings. 5/5