What They Don't Know

On a pedestal I stand
Tall and strong above the rest
The crowd below looks up to me
Always expecting the best

Their limited minds
Allow them to believe I'm flawless
Envy the "perfect" life I live
Covet what I permit them to see

But behind the painted on smile
Beneath the well-planted lines
Beyond this tight sturdy surface
Lies I girl I hope no one will find

I listen to the sweet sounds of approval
And revel in the admiration
Every praise gives me this high
I'm addicted to this sensation

Superficially, I'm fulfilled
Because at last I'm getting noticed
The girl lurking behind the shadows
That girl no longer exists

Sacrifice is not what I wish
But without it, I'm stripped,
of all the things I value now
All else, I'll relinquish

Fear burns inside, that someday,
The genuine me will be released
From the dungeon where it dwells,
Like a horrible, monstrous beast

Perhaps eventually I'll find,
I can know longer ignore who I am
All walls will come crashing down,
What will protect me then?

More lies, more deceit?
More improvisation where sincerity should be?
More alterations to my character,
to conceal the horror that is me?

How long before I run out,
of the acceptable things to say?
How far can I travel as a fraud,
until they realize I'm fake?

So much confusion,
as my time flies by
I try to avoid,
decisions unmade

What a pity it is,
to be aware of what's right,
Yet still revolt against it,
while you walk a thin line

This poem forever lives on,
Seems it will never cease
unless I later find I can show,
all of me I see as weak